prelude:
Snowflake is one of The’s many stuff animals (so kiddish). It’s old and off colored and you know…. STANKY! but she beg to differ from me. She lost her Snowflake in a bet with me, so she conspired to steal my piggie (it’s very unique, there’s only about 10 of them in U.S. I was told) and put a ransom out to get back her stanky, black bear. This is the ransom note she left me.
Ode to a Misunderstood Bear
by The (2001)
Snowflake was born on a nice winter day.
He was fluffy and happy like his mommy The.
His fur was soft, his smile was bright,
And yes, dare and say, he was gleaming white.
Snowflake and I have gone through it all.
Good times, bad times, summer, spring, winter and fall.
For years this went on, just me and my bear.
I’d forget his showers, but its alright, I don’t care.
As long as he was with me
At my side every night,
I was blind, didn’t see
That he wasn’t that light.
Yes, that was back in ’93,
When snowflake was quite nice to see.
Now he’s eight
And we debate,
Is he still white, or is it just me?
I see him now, my perfect bear.
A little old, but he’s still there.
Through ridicule and evil bashing,
He took it all, yup, all the thrashing:
“He’s so black, he’s so disgusting”
“He’s eight years old, just needs a dusting.”
“Ew! Dont touch him, he’s contagious!”
“No he’s not, that’s just outrageous.”
“Did he get run over, he’s so flat”
“Stupid fools. Enough of that!”
Then one night, a drunk friend came,
Saw my Snowflake, thought, “what a shame,”
Handwashed my bear, gave him a scrub
(He left a residue in the tub).
Brushed his fur, found three “soft” spots
Although he couldn’t brush out the knots
Then snowflake returned all nice and clean,
Smelling like Downy, yet still rather “lean.”
But still the jokes, the “racist” comments.
It puts me up on his defense.
I say again “My bear’s NOT Black”
And he does NOT look like he’s on crack”
So he’s “shady” in his sway
But I still love him everyday.
He might be dark, but it’s alright,
Cuz deep inside, he’s 100% white.
Now, to evil Peter who can’t conceive
How anyone can dare believe
That Snowflake is as white as snow,
I’ll tell you something you should know….
I have your pig, so pink and light.
I wonder if she can take flight?
Or maybe I’ll just keep her near
Until you bring my Snowflake here.
If you don’t, we will see
How black your pig soon will be.
I’m quite conniving when it comes to Snowflake.
I’ll keep on trying until you break.
But if that’s not enough to scare you,
Try to get me back,
I Dare You.
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