I watched 2 episodes of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday this evening. Yup, I admit it, I watched Oprah, and I liked it! The two episodes featured Maya Angelou and Brene Brown, and among the lessons they shared, one in particular stood out to me: courage.
For a while and particularly over the past month, I’ve been struggling with the question of what do I want and how do I know what I have is good enough? You see, I’ve always been a fan of the idea that we should be grateful for all the things that we have in life and not focus too much on the things that we don’t have. The problem with that school of thought is it leads you to settle, to be content with the status quo and stop trying harder. At what point do you tell yourself, I am grateful for what I have, but I can do better, and I should move on? It’s hard to make that decision because, in order to move on, you most likely have to give up what you already have, which you are already grateful for!
As I thought about the answer to this one important question which was going to lead to some life changing decisions, I kept coming up with other introspective questions too. What does it mean to be happy? How important is a successful career? Which makes more sense, Christianity or Buddhism? If it’s painful to know the truth, is it better to live in a lie? Why do bad things happen to good people? Does forgiveness always have to be made known? What kind of person do I want to be?
What kind of person do I want to be? That’s a hard question, and the answer has changed over the years, but has settled somewhat over the past few. I want to be a person that lives by my virtues and makes a positive impact on people’s lives. The virtues that are most important to me right now are integrity, compassion, curiosity, gratuity, and positivity. There are others, of course, but to try and live a life that abides by those 5 principles is already a difficult feat. As for making a positive impact on people’s lives, I have no great aspirations to become the next Gandhi or Bill Gates, but I believe that if I can truly lead a life that exhibits the values I hold dear, I will be able to impact those around me. Perhaps they saw my travel photos and decided take a chance to do something wild and awesome of their own. Maybe I had a coffee chat with someone and said something that touched their heart. It doesn’t have to be life changing, but if I can inspire people for a brief moment or make a tiny positive change, I would already be super duper happy and grateful.
So what does all this have to do with courage, you ask? Well, at one point during the interview, Maya Angelou says to Oprah, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” When I heard that, I had an “aha” moment. The moments in my life when I’m confused, or sad, or vulnerable, are mostly times when I can’t live up to my virtues. Those moments are not going away, but it is through overcoming those moments, through the struggle to find enough courage to stand by my virtues when they are challenged, that I will truly live a fruitful life. And I shouldn’t worry so much about those moments either, because I know it’s impossible to always have courage, but I should at least try my best. Courage, like everything else, also takes practice. I hope that every day, I will look back on the previous day, and pat myself on the back for having tried harder.
So why am I writing down all this deeply personal stuff and sharing it with the world, you ask? Well, that’s where Brene Brown comes in. She says those who have a sense of worthiness, those who have a strong sense of love and belonging, have one thing in common – courage. The word came from the Latin word for heart, and she defines it as “to tell the story of who you are with your heart.” It’s not easy to admit to who you are. I’ve spent years trying to be what I thought other people would like me to be, and even though I’ve grown out of that phase, I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of letting people know exactly who I am, or who I want to be. I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I want to be, but I am worried that others will laugh at my idealistic naivety, or even worse, I’m afraid of being judged if I can’t live up to my own words and my own standards. I’m still putting it out there though, because it’s probably a good idea to have people judge me, so I’m constantly reminded that these are the values I want to live by.
Brene Brown also said something else about the whole-hearted people – they fully embraced vulnerability. The accepted their imperfections, then still had to courage and willingness to say “I love you” first, to do something where there are no guarantees, to let themselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen. When I reminded of myself of the person I want to be, my decisions became clear. I think I always knew what I wanted, I was just afraid to let go of something I was certain about for something completely unknown. In my fear of letting go, I compromised my values and became a less authentic version of me. So at this moment, as fearful as I am about the future, I will embrace it with all my courage and hope for the best! 🙂
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