The role of the Internet in connecting and disconnecting people has been beaten to death as a topic of discussion, but somehow we keep talking. Maybe it’s because no matter which side of the argument we are on, social media has entrenched its way into our lives for better or worse. I recently finished The Circle, a dystopian novel with shallow characters and lackluster plot, but nevertheless a conversation starter. So here’s another diatribe.
*SPOILER WARNING – in case you still want to read the book after my glowing review*
The book centers around a corporation called Circle, a blend between Facebook and Google, except much fancier and more evil. As technology advances, the company sought to create a fully transparent and online society where refusal to join meant being shunned completely. Ultimate the following became the mantra that drove people’s behavior:
SECRETS ARE LIES
SHARING IS CARING
PRIVACY IS THEFT
I’m not sure whether this was a tribute to 1984, but it’s a pretty feeble mimicry. Although, if you look at the contents being shared today, we are certainly headed in the direction Eggers warns against. People share their latest meals followed by bowel movements, complete with pictures and videos. Groups call for full transparency of governments and corporations, as if every individual has the percipience to judge the efficacy of all policies and strategies. You are encouraged to add #s and @s to anything and everything, to make sure everyone who remotely cares about what you took a picture of can easily access it for eternity.
Hypocritical much? Asks (the rare) reader who is probably subject to my barrage of Instagram/Facebook/blog posts on a regular basis. I will admit that I like the attention. The likes, hearts, emoticons and comments ending in exclamation marks. I carefully curate an online persona who cooks and runs and goes on exotic adventures with beautiful friends. You won’t see me post about the days when I stay in bed all day to binge watch TV and eat multiple meals of half burned potstickers by myself (true story).
Sometimes I wonder whether that makes me inauthentic, portraying my life in perfectly cropped squares and fastidiously chosen effects. And we’ve all had those moments of envy when we see someone’s beautiful house and beautiful wife and large automobile and forget they too curate their online image. But we are not fools who actually believe everyone else lives the perfect life we haven’t been able to find ourselves, nor would I want to see the ugly moments that someone else would rather keep private. I shudder at the thought of the future Eggers describes, one of full transparency and connectivity where we no longer get to choose what others see, or even worse, forced into the gawking of others’ lives.
If you really think about it, the only difference between Eggers’ world and Orwell’s is whether conformity would be driven by peer pressure or authoritarianism. It’s scary how great the argument for full transparency can be. After all, if you are not doing anything wrong, you should have nothing to hide, right? In a black and white world, perhaps, except we live in a world of a million shades of gray (yup, really used this line), yet people more often than not think of themselves as just and capable judges. A few days ago I had a discussion with a friend on absolute vs. relative morality, and not surprisingly, failed to come to a consensus. Religious arguments aside, I must say the best lesson Jesus ever taught is “let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Monica Lewinsky gave a TED talk last month about cyber bullying. She began by saying, “I was seen by many but actually known by few. And I get it. It was easy to forget that That Woman was dimensional, had a soul, and was once unbroken.” More recently, there was some controversy of the choice of Noah Trevor as the new host of The Daily Show. People already make 11 impressions about you in 7 seconds when you meet in person, now we have to worry about what they can find on the Internetz before you even meet. I’m not on their side, I just don’t think I have the right to judge their characters. As the author of this article puts so eloquently: “Scapegoating, in the classic sense of the term, is all about heaping symbolic abuse on a symbolic target to avoid having to actually change anything about ourselves.” I’ve got enough on my plate to just build my own character, and am really in no place to tell others (especially people I don’t even know )how they should live their lives.
The best way to not be judged, especially years down the road when your words may not even make sense, is to say nothing. But it’s human nature to share and connect, even if in our lonely desperation we sometimes blur the lines between attention and connection. I guess that’s why after years of hiding I now share my blog, with enough confidence to defend my opinions and change them if need be, and enough sense to save my vulnerabilities for only those who’ve earned it.
Some of my fondest memories are the unrecorded ones — sleepovers and better late than apologies, unexpected tears at the hair salon, stargazing on a deserted road while huddling under a blanket. I don’t need to share those moments with the world as I’ve already shared them with those who matter most. In the end the Internet, like all other technological advances, is just a tool we wield, so use it wisely 🙂
#dystopia #reality #gratitude
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