Thanksgiving

As I sit at my desk looking out into the beautiful hills of San Francisco this Thanksgiving morning, I am reminded again of how much I have to be thankful for, yet don’t appreciate enough on a daily basis.

I have never been one to fear change, in fact, I embrace it and often search for it. Once again, I’m uprooting myself, except this time, I’m heading back home. Home has changed for me a few times already, from the compact yet bustling city of Changsha, to the quiet suburb of Dallas, to the first apartment that belonged to myself in Kanazawa, to the ever exciting San Francisco, and the never sleeping city of Shanghai, I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity to make a home for myself in each one of these places. When I left Texas — no, even before I left Texas, I always thought I would leave this place and never come back. The surprise on people’s faces when I tell them I’m moving back was not surprising. Me, the ever wandering adventurer, moving back to the quiet suburb filled with families of four and Trump signs on the lawns. Frankly I’m surprised myself. I didn’t see this coming, but as I’ve learned in the past thirty odd years, life tends to fumble the most meticulous of plans, so why not throw my own wrench in once in a while and see what happens?

The other life lesson I’ve learned so far, is that adventure starts whenever and wherever you are ready for it. Many have warned me against how boring life is in Texas. I smile and nod agreeably. There are more to do in California, of course. I’ll miss hiking up the beautiful hills, reminiscing by the splashing water, riding by the windy coastline. I’ll miss the conversations about life, technology, and the pursuit of happiness with many like-minded friends over great good and wine. I’ll miss my awesome office with wonderful coworkers and free lunch. I’ll even miss my daily commute to work, where I get to see all aspects of San Francisco, from the homeless sleeping in the Bart stations to the tech bros covered head to toe in free schwag, from the old Victorians in the Mission to the high rises of FiDi. There are things I will be giving up, I agree. There’s also much to be gained. A comfortable home that does not cost half of my salary. Time and space to work on improving myself. Most importantly, time with my parents, who have never asked me to reign in my wandering so they can see me more.

As many of my friends are now starting their parenting adventures, the sacrifices parents make to give their children a better life become even more apparent. Not things like, skipping out on gatherings or giving up on a few trips, but decisions like where to live and what jobs to take. Then after 20+ years of toiling for the kids to grow up, they seem to want to get away as far as possible and only come back once or twice a year. Not everyone is like this, but I am one of those ungrateful children.

Then I finally realized I miss them. The logical side of me had always known how important they are, but for some reason the emotional side had never caught up until now. Comparing the things I’ve done for boys and men who didn’t deserve nearly as much, I’m embarrassed to even think about how little I’ve done for the people who love me the most in this world. I don’t know why it took so long, but at least I got there.

So this Thanksgiving, I’m most thankful for my parents, and the opportunity to spend more time with them in the coming years.

I’m looking forward to going home 🙂