One way of being real is to grasp the connection between the importance of each part of your life and what you actually pay attention to every day. The chart below is another window through which to see what’s important to you.
- In the first column, consider the relative importance of each major areas of your life today. Assign a percentage to each and make sure they add up to 100.
- In the second column, consider how much time and energy you actually focus on each domain in a typical week.
- In the third column, indicate how satisfied you are presently with how things are going in each domain, and for your life as a whole (the higher the number the better). This is actually from a later chapter, but I thought it fit well here.
After you’ve completed the chart, write notes in response to the questions.
Here’s my chart (detailed calculations :P):
| Domain |
Importance |
Focus of time and energy |
Satisfaction |
| Work/Career/School |
45% |
44.64% |
8 |
| Home/Family |
25% |
8.93% |
3 |
| Community/Society |
15% |
13.39% |
6 |
| Self: mind, body, spirit |
15% |
33.04% |
8 |
Satisfaction with life as a whole: 7.
What are the consequences of the current choices you make about your focus of time and energy spent at work, at home, in the community, and for yourself?
I guess from this, it seems like I’m pretty happy with how much time I spend at work/studying. I complain about it most, but really, it’s that important to me. I can spend a little more time with friends and in the community, but overall I’m satisfied in that department too. Although with my upcoming travel engagement, my current balance might change and work will take up much more of my time. We’ll see how that works out. The major imbalance is between how much time I spend on myself versus home/family. I guess the fact that I don’t live at home anymore and haven’t made a new family yet is the big issue.
As you look at these eight numbers, are there any adjustments you’d like to make — either in what’s important or in where you focus your attention — to change any of these numbers?
I think if I had a choice, I would love to spend more time on family. Unfortunately when it comes to relationships it’s a two way street, and the other person has to make the same effort, or place the same importance on this department to even want to make the same effort. Otherwise, you’ll just have to adjust how important it is to you. Right now, I’m struggling between the two choices.
Also within the Self domain, I spend a lot more time taking care of my mind and spirit, and perhaps not enough on taking care of my body. I go through stages where I will focus intensely on exercising, but lack the perseverance to keep up. It will just take me getting off my lazy butt to fix it 😛
What would it take to actually make these adjustments in your life?
Well, from the numbers, it seems like I’m least satisfied in the home/family department. Most of the examples in the book talk about family as in husband/wife and kids, which I think is a very difficult scenario than when I’m unmarried and living away from home. From a parents/sister perspective, I’ve become much closer with them as I grow older and truly appreciate their unconditional love. Being my Asian unaffectionate self, I almost think moving away strengthens that appreciation. From a make my own family perspective, I’ve struggled a lot more and incurred the wraths of so many around me that I just don’t really want to discuss anymore. I think of this aspect less as “get married and have kids,” but more as having an open, trusting, dependable relationship. As I said previously, it’s a two way street and the other person has the make the same effort, and since I can’t really change other people’s actions, I think I need to decide whether I can adjust how important it is to me or otherwise give up.
The other piece is just reallocating my time to more relationship building or productive activities. I spend way too much time sitting in front of the computer watching TV or reading novels. I’m not learning a lot from these activities, and I think I can benefit from less of it and more of connecting with family and friends, meeting new people, finding more volunteering opportunities, etc.
The next step is creating the four circles, which show the importance of each domain (size) and compatibilities between all the domains (relative locations). How much the circles overlap represents my best estimate of how compatible or incompatible the domains are with each other.
My circles are somewhat centralized and overlapping. Perhaps its my overly optimistic understanding of my four domains. I’m not a big fan of this exercise and I think this is as far as I’m going to go with it rather than frustrate myself.
I’ve combined four different exercises into this one post since they are all interrelated, so here are the final thoughts on the Pause and Reflect questions.
What are the main ideas you take away from what you’ve just read?
It’s important to have a balanced life, and although it seems that different domains of your life are separate pieces, they in fact should not be. It’s difficult to figure out what’s important to you and that importance factor’s probably not going to stay the same through your life. It’s even more difficult and perhaps surprising to see how much or little time you spend on each of the domains. It’s almost easier to just lie and pretend you are satisfied, but that’s just going to come back and bite you in the butt in the future.
What is the biggest disconnect in the relationship among your four domains?
In the home/family domain. Either it’s more important than I need it to be at this moment, or I need to figure out a way to spend more time on it.
What changes might you make to bring the four domains of your life into greater harmony?
See answer to “What would it take to actually make these adjustments in your life?” above.
How would such changes affect your happiness ratings?
Good question, obviously if I want to make these adjustments I’m hoping they will positively affect my happiness ratings. On the other hand, any change is a gamble and I may end up less happy. I’ve always believed in thinking long and hard before making a decision and not looking back once it’s made. I also believe the world changes too quickly for me to plan against contingencies. So I think I’m going to take this opportunity to really reflect on what I need then hopefully make changes that will make me happier.
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