Photo not by me. I found it here.
I had almost forgotten about this encounter if not for a discussion with Bryan re: religion on a bus ride to the Melbourne Airport. A couple of days earlier we had talked about spirituality during an evening stroll back to our hotel, when Bryan’s friend summarized (somewhat appropriately) that all religions basically teach people to “not be assholes.” I do quite agree with that notion, while keenly aware there are many other similarities and differences in religions. But I digress, the only point I wanted to make here was merely that we had this discussion, which led to a memory almost forgotten.
It was my second day in Kuala Lumpur. I booked a tour for the outskirts of KL, which ended with a river cruise to see fireflies. About 20 of us waited patiently until the sun set completely, before being herded into a small boat that set course along the river. There were no lights besides one or two small shrimping boats hidden around the bends of the river. The guides did not explain what we were supposed to see, and we were quiet with anticipation and a slight sense of trepidation in the dark. The motor purred, joined by the smooth sound of water parting to let our boat through. Then I heard the faint voice of a song from far away, so faint I wasn’t quite sure whether it was a figment of my imagination. I was still trying to figure out the sound when someone said “look!” As I turned my eyes ahead, I saw a few flickers of light in the bushes, then tens, then hundreds. They blinked like lights on a Christmas tree, not as bright but more magical, when you realize these are living creatures that shined with all their strength so they can pass on their genes to the next generation.
The crowd ooh’ed and ahh’ed for a while, then settled into quiet enjoyment. There were no attempts at photos since no equipment would be able to capture this moment. The fireflies would die, I was told, if a bright light such as the flash of a camera shined on them. Even if left alone, they died soon after mating season, their lives so ephemeral and insignificant that most people won’t ever get to encounter these fragile creatures.
I felt a bit of disappointment but also relief in laying down my camera, since it’s been a while since I’ve been able to enjoy beauty without wanting to put it in a frame. Then the song came back, a slow, melodic harmony that calms the heart. It was a bit surreal, and I had to ask my tour guide next to me to confirm. “Yes,the Muslims are doing their evening prayer at a mosque nearby.” Ah! I suddenly felt stupid for not making the connection. I did not speak again, but let the faint chants of prayer grow louder in my ears, and the dim flickering of light shine brighter in my eyes. That moment, I felt the insignificance of my own existence, and knew it to be as ephemeral as the fireflies I pitied. The meaningful life I strive to live will cause no disturbance in the grand scheme of things, as great as the struggle is to me. That moment, I was sure God exists and I envied those who sang his praise with such beautiful voices.
I wish I could put into better words how that felt. It did not change my mind about the cosmic order of things, nor my thoughts on religion. It only affirmed my belief that we are so insignificant and ignorant, yet so pompous in our great knowledge of the world. Faith is a great thing. Believe in something. Anything. Just don’t be so naive to believe that you are the master of this universe. The belief in something greater, something unknown that cannot be understood, humbles us and makes us better creatures, because it teaches us appreciate the world, other people, and most of all the life we’ve been given.
Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. – Voltaire
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